Attaining Starhood

Today when I came back from work, Karan asked me if he could borrow my phone to play some game. I generally don't allow him to use my phone and as a matter of fact informed him that it was not going to happen.

He kept asking me and I kept refusing. After many rounds of back and forth he suddenly says "Can I play with your phone after you become a star?"...as I stare at him in disbelief he continues "please leave the phone in your room when you leave to become a star so that I can find it"! ....and he was smiling

My knees suddenly felt weak when I heard him so agreeably willing to accept my phone I lieu of my death...I tried to regain my composure and replied "hopefully there is going to be a lot of time before I become a star...and you can probably get a phone for yourself much before I become one!"

His innocence triggered a feeling of emptiness and aloneness in me....also been thinking of my mortality

A thought that I have been resonating with since then is "In the journey of life the destination is the journey itself"

I need to find small ways I can appreciate and cherish and make joyful my journey....my life....

Will begin by cherishing and consuming the bar of chocolate that Smriti just gave me...

All the world is a stage

Last couple of weeks I have been feeling very strongly the lack of intimacy in my life

If I look around me, at my family, friends and even myself, I see roles being played almost mechanically and transactionaly

Most of my action choices are because I am a husband, a father, a son, a friend, a brother, and so on.....that's how I see things and justify my choices and actions

That is also how I am received.... not because of any love, affection or concern for me per say, but for the role that I am playing, for the role that I am

It's all a combination of expectations and transactions and aspirations......